Wednesday, October 31, 2007


When we lived in Arizona, we went to a church that was made up of mostly older people, because, lets face it, the average age of an Arizonan is 90. Then some young whipper snappers in their 50's started coming to church and livened things up a bit. They were a black couple, and black people just know how to do church better than anyone. Whenever the pastor said something that struck a nerve with the husband, he would say in a really loud, deep baritone voice, "WELL!" It woke the frozen chosen right up out of their slumber.

If you think about it, "WELL!" says it all. If someone says something off the wall, you neither have to agree nor disagree, just say a hearty, "WELL!" and that person will think you are a genius. You don't have to hurt their feelings and say, "I think you are a complete moron," nor do you have to waste your breath on agreeing with someone. Save your words for when they really matter.

This has nothing to do with the picture above, other than the first thing I thought when I saw that sign was, "WELL!"

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Open House

I think our neighbors below, with the recliner, must have had this in mind.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Cheerleader Update

A public service announcement brought to you by I Can't Sell My House.

Someone in comments requested weekly updates on the Cheerleaders. Well, last night my wife was out the door on her way to work...she works nights as a nurse...and hadn't had her coffee yet, likes to cut time short, and wanted to stop by Starbucks on her way in. Add Cheerleaders and ghetto rap to the mix, and you've got yourself a recipe for disaster. THE CAR WAS BLOCKING THE DRIVEWAY AGAIN. The Cheerleaders stood and stared at my wife like, "Where are YOU going? We're not done yet." My wife sat in her car like a bull waiting to charge, and the Cheerleaders were waving the matador red at her. So what did my normally calm, pretty wife do? She charged. She plowed through the flower beds, make that weed patches, and around the blocked car, and peeled out of the alleyway. There was no way in hell Cheerleaders were going to keep her from Starbucks.

Howard and I just stood in awe.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Today's Pop Quiz

This Realtor is:

A. So wealthy he doesn't need to check his listings.
B. So broke he cannot afford the gas to check his listings.
C. Thinks it is still the year 2004 and houses are selling regardless of his effort.
D. Just doesn't give a rat's ass anymore...a cracked sign is better than no sign.

I Can't Sell My House Special of the Day

Real Estate Ad to Read:
Move-in ready. Just bring your own beer. Fully Furnished Driveway. All that is missing is your car in the lawn up on blocks.


Monday, October 22, 2007

Old Fart Rant

My wife and I live in the house with the garage door open. That car, blocking the driveway, belongs to one of the cheerleaders in the adjacent house. There is only one way in-and-out of the drive, and they're blocking it and nowhere to be found. Unfortunately we had to plow through their flowerbeds in order to get around them.

This new generation coming up has NO respect for anyone. Why? I'll tell you why! Because mommy and daddy never taught little junior and little princess to respect others or even their own parenting authority. Why in my day, when my parents spoke I listened without sassing back, because if I did, that was the end for me. My parents weren't abusive ogres either, in fact they were very loving, but I sure knew better than to act like a little bratt.

Damn youngsters.

I must be getting old.

Howard vigorously nods his head "yes" when asked if he hiked his leg on the cheerleader's car tire. Shame on you Howard.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Mister Rogers Doesn't Live Here

Mister Rogers is not my neighbor. Not even close. My neighbor, we'll call him, Mister Equitylonggone, can barely grunt when I say hello in passing him to and from the mailbox. You want to know why he is so miserable? I'll tell you...He Cannot Sell His House. His house has been on the market for at least six months with not one offer. He is stuck with a cheerleader/dance class behind him who practices EVERY night to gangsta music because they think they are the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, and he lives across the street from a guy who gets on his Harley nearly every morning at 6:30 a.m. and revs his motor several times before gunning it out of here. He has four foreclosures within a stones throw of him, and he has some damn renters living next door.

He commutes 2 hours to and from work, because I'm sure he thought he could come live around us valley hicks for a couple of years before selling out and making a killing and hightailing it back to civilization, aka, the SF Bay Area. I hate to be the one to say it, okay, maybe I don't, but his timing was way off.

I hope he enjoys the new renters after we are gone! Maybe the cheerleaders have some friends? Rah! Rah! Rah!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Halloweenie Extravaganza

Is your neighborhood starting to look like this? With one repo home after another?

Are signs declaring bank foreclosures like these being buried beneath overgrown weeds?

Then maybe you should hold a Halloweenie Haunted House Extravaganza on your block! You could have ghosts and goblins jump out of the weeds, and shady bankers and lenders hide in the shadows of their misgivings and empty promises. Instead of dressing your children up as witches and monsters, dress them up as realtors and mortgage brokers. That would be scarier! Hey, the banks could get in on this and hold auctions on all their over priced foreclosures! Pass out free candy and they will come.

P.S. If you are interested, the above foreclosed home is priced at $349,000. Such a deal!

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Sign Shortage

So many foreclosures...

...So few decent available signs.

My chest...


I can't breavf...

There must be a sign shortage. I hope the government can bail us out of this crisis too. This could get bad, real bad. Just when you think things could not possibly get worse, something else like this just gets thrown on top of the heap. It is too much to handle. I'd better go chew on some Aspirin. Does anyone have any nitroglycerin?

Sunday, October 7, 2007


If this chart is accurate, we are in for an interesting Spring in 2008.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Where There's a Will...

His wife told him he had better not come home without this.


Only in California...there aren't too many lowriders anywhere else I would venture to say. The owner of this car was a really nice guy who gladly showed off his prized possession. You never know what you're going to see, or who you are going to meet, when you get out and look around.

Dump for Sale

The house above is not lived in. It is a foreclosed, vacant home, with the garage door ripped off and taken who knows where. They left the car though!

You know what's great about renting? Not owning property next to dumps like this. My wife and I live in a new neighborhood surrounded by three vacant homes. Two of them are foreclosures. The third has been taken over by a cheerleader/dance class who practice in the garage every night while blasting their rap music. We call them the cheerleader squatters, because no one lives there and they only use it for a dance studio in the evening while I'm trying to watch the playoffs with the windows open. The fourth neighbor has his house up for sale, and snubs his nose at my wife and I, lowly renters that we are, who happen to be as quiet as church mice and keep the yard immaculate. If our dog so much as woofs we are on top of it. If he takes a dump in their flower bed, we practically have the poo sack under his tail making sure it doesn't infect their precious soil. We try to avoid this at all costs, but dogs will be dogs and he knows who the bad guy is. He tends to sneak over there to do his business if you will.

If I had driven by and looked at the house as a prospective homeowner, I might have thought this wouldn't be such a bad place to buy. Looks can be very deceiving. Wish I could rent my next home before buying.

Caption Me

Caption me...

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Another Sad Foreclosure Song

Video submitted by Telecommuting Millionaire. Thanks!