Before this house is completely foreclosed upon, you will need a machete to get in the front door. Guarantee it...mark my word...I'm tellin' you now. Even if I have to go throw Miracle Grow on it to prove my point.
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"In the jungle
you must wait,
until someone rolls
a five and eight!"
What is this!? Freaking Jumanji?
Miracle grow? It's the neighbor's cat!
DinOR
I love it... never thought I'd see it.
This reminds me of my old house in Newton, Massachusetts. I stuck it on the market in 2003, and the real estate lady took a look at the ivy on the brick and stucco exterior and said it had to go because ivy causes damage.
I said, "But this is Boston. Isn't Harvard in the Ivy League? People like ivy. It's beautiful."
"It's got to go," she said.
There happened to be a landscaping crew up the street, so I buttonholed the guy. Told him I was moving and that the real estate lady thought I should remove the ivy. How much would it cost?
He came over and took a look. He said the ivy wasn't damaging anything. It could use a trim, he said, but you'd be crazy to remove it. Your house will have ghost vine patterns where the ivy used to be, and it will look bizarre.
"I'll do it for you," he said, "but you ought to know that people regularly pay me thousands of dollars to plant ivy on the sides of their houses. My other customers would kill to have ivy like your ivy."
Okay, I said. Trim it.
$600 later, the ivy trimmed, I ran into my elderly neighbors across the street. I told them about the real estate lady's advice. They were shocked.
"We've lived across the street from your house for 40 years," they said. "It has always had ivy, and it has always been beautiful. You just have to trim it every few years."
The house sold within a couple weeks. Last time I was back in Boston, I drove past it. The ivy was still there.
Think of the house in your neighborhood as being an Ivy League house. Maybe the cheerleaders will move in. When they apply to Harvard , they should make sure to include a picture of their house.
That house is just like a cheap hooker . . . unkempt at the doorway.
Needs a trim, huh?
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